January 7, 2010

dear precious: day one.

Yesterday was officially the first day of our time off.

As I sit here alone penning my thoughts and feelings at this playground and on the very same spot where we shared one of our many precious memories, I cannot help but look at the stars and vividly remember the particular night when Giraffe and I cuddled together and stargazed the night away without a care in the world; just happy to be in each other’s loving arms. I also clearly recall being especially hyper that night and went on a tirade of nonsensical banters, one of which involed Mother Giraffe fanning Giraffe to sleep.

As much as I dearly miss my other half, I understand and respect the fact she needs time for herself.

After I showered yesterday morning, I came and sat at her void deck to fulfill the promise I made the night before that I will meet her.

 I also did it because I missed her very badly. Giraffe doesn’t have a clue as to how sorry I am. How sorry I am about mistreating her throughout our relationship. Along the way, I lost track of myself and became ignorant and thoughtless as to how inappropriate my behaviour towards her was. I completely lost track on how many times I made my Giraffe sad when I have made a pact with myself at the very beginning to treasure and treat her the same way she does to me.

I love my Giraffe so much but I forgot to show it to her. Despite the many childish tantrums that I threw for no reason and the despicable things which came out of my mouth; derived from sheer stupidy and ignorance, she was always as loving and caring towards me more than I could ever, ever imagine. How I ever managed to be so ignorant as to think that our relationship was fine when she did her part and I did all these terrible things is beyond comprehension. It sickens me just to think about it; but I can’t help it. As I write this letter, I am thinking about each and every single time I mistreated my Giraffe.

The one huge positive that I can obtain from this bad episode of is the realization of my many wrongdoings and my rotten behaviour. This serves as a wake-up call. It was a horrific wake-up call but one that I know I will be thankful for because I love my Giraffe and I want to start showing her how much she actually means to me. I want to start showing her that I care a lot and being more attentive to my behaviour and always think about her feelings because they mean so much to me :(

Every relationship has its flaws. The only difference is a strong one or a weak one and judging by how we feel towards each other, we definitely know which category ours falls under. Imperfections are a part of every human being and Giraffe and I are not immune to them. And when I penned my letter to her on 01.05.2009, I stated that the most important thing is for people to better themselves. This harsh wake-up call has been a very humbling experience for me and all I want to do right now is to better myself and make amends for what I have done and truly show her how I feel about the person I want to rest of my time with.

This learning experience will make both Giraffe and I much better partners towards each other and it will greatly strengthen our relationship.

And if she’s reading this, I just want her to know that her stargazing partner misses her so badly.

[Penned on an A4 paper. 08.01.2009/12.15 a.m. Villa Verde Playground]

“Karna engkaulah satu-satunya untukku,
dan pastikan kita selalu bersama
Karna dirimulah yang sanggup mengerti aku,
dalam susah ataupun senang”