dear precious: normal service resumed.
We went photo-taking at Tanah Merah earlier today. I was very happy over the fact that Giraffe had fun and it meant a great deal to her. Plus, it also gave her great pictures to work on for her school project.
I always get excited when I know that Giraffe is working on a particular project. One of the reasons is because I know that she’ll come up with something brilliant and it would make me very happy if I could give her a hand in any way.
We then went to Labrador Park and watched the sunset while we let ice cream melt in our mouths.
I poured my heart out after that. I said what I needed to. Things that came from my honest heart. And then I asked her the question I’ve been dying to ask her.
No words could describe how I felt when she replied “Yes” to it.
I had goosebumps when she said that. I was so relieved and happy. I hugged her so tight, that I did not want to let go.
You mean so much to me baby. You really do.
2 years ago
dear precious: day three.
Today (9/01/10) is day three of our time-off.
Yesterday, I promised Giraffe that I would pick her up from Zouk when she was done. I waited and I was genuinely worried, just like any loving boyfriend would in that situation. I kept looking at my Blackberry Curve every 10 minutes hoping she would call me soon.
I hoped she was having fun. But deep down inside I was wishing she was thinking about her Hoshi.
When the call finally arrived, I felt so happy that I just wanted to flap my wings…errr…arms, I mean..and fly.
I practically flew to Zouk after she told me that I could pick her up. I bought her a bottle of Pokka Green Tea (yes that vile green liquid) before I did.
I was so happy when I laid my eyes on her that I could have grown wings (for real) and really fly…with her in my arms of course! Urm. I mean my wings; assuming I actually grew them because I wouldn’t be able to fly if I didn’t.
I hope Giraffe knew that when I said “I was expecting the worse”, I meant it well although it did not sound that way. I said that as a poor substitute to “I am so relieved you’re okay sayang!”. I hope Giraffe did not take it the wrong way. But I made a pact with her that if she ever decides that she wanted to visit a club or just have fun in any way, that she would make me part of it and bring me along so that I would not worry so much. And also because it makes more sense to have fun with her than sitting somewhere and worrying about her while twiddling my thumbs.
I sent Giraffe home after we sat and chatted at Kent Ridge Park.
Along the way, I actually forgot that it’s only natural that my Giraffe would like to enjoy her life in a different way. It is just sad that because of my awful behaviour towards her, she was afraid to let me know about it when she decided to do it.
Of course, the both of us (me especially; because the problem derived from me) have resolved this.
I hope Giraffe knows that I love her with all my heart. As much as I want Giraffe to have fun, be happy with her life and her relationship with me in particular, I hope she would do them in healthy way. Which pretty much means dragging me along! =P I know that she will always think about me first before she does anything because she knows that I will too. And by that I mean saying goodbye to my awful, awful behaviour. And she knows that too =) Might sound a little complicated but I am sure Giraffe knows what her Hoshi is babbling about.
I know it’s almost 6 in the morning now and that my eyes can barely open but I’m pretty sure I got it right when I counted the number of times I said “know” in the previous paragraph and it came up to…urm…12,307 times.
And I probably need some sleep now too.
I can’t wait to meet Giraffe later. =)
2 years ago - read more...
dear precious: day two.
I did not get much sleep earlier today. When I woke up, I pretty much continued where I had left off. I continued contemplating all the things that I’ve done to her. I can’t help but feel sorry for her and no amount of words could describe how I feel.
I went to my old block in Bukit Batok after work today and sat there for hours..contemplating. And I told myself that Giraffe deserves a better me. And I owe it to her.
I simply could not describe how happy I was when I received her text message.
Giraffe called me shortly after and we talked. The more we talked, the more I smiled. Because I know this relationship of ours is going to be better & stronger than it has ever been.
And I know that she knows that too :)
“fadz nak pergi jogging?”
:)
2 years ago - read more...
dear precious: day one.
Yesterday was officially the first day of our time off.
As I sit here alone penning my thoughts and feelings at this playground and on the very same spot where we shared one of our many precious memories, I cannot help but look at the stars and vividly remember the particular night when Giraffe and I cuddled together and stargazed the night away without a care in the world; just happy to be in each other’s loving arms. I also clearly recall being especially hyper that night and went on a tirade of nonsensical banters, one of which involed Mother Giraffe fanning Giraffe to sleep.
As much as I dearly miss my other half, I understand and respect the fact she needs time for herself.
After I showered yesterday morning, I came and sat at her void deck to fulfill the promise I made the night before that I will meet her.
I also did it because I missed her very badly. Giraffe doesn’t have a clue as to how sorry I am. How sorry I am about mistreating her throughout our relationship. Along the way, I lost track of myself and became ignorant and thoughtless as to how inappropriate my behaviour towards her was. I completely lost track on how many times I made my Giraffe sad when I have made a pact with myself at the very beginning to treasure and treat her the same way she does to me.
I love my Giraffe so much but I forgot to show it to her. Despite the many childish tantrums that I threw for no reason and the despicable things which came out of my mouth; derived from sheer stupidy and ignorance, she was always as loving and caring towards me more than I could ever, ever imagine. How I ever managed to be so ignorant as to think that our relationship was fine when she did her part and I did all these terrible things is beyond comprehension. It sickens me just to think about it; but I can’t help it. As I write this letter, I am thinking about each and every single time I mistreated my Giraffe.
The one huge positive that I can obtain from this bad episode of is the realization of my many wrongdoings and my rotten behaviour. This serves as a wake-up call. It was a horrific wake-up call but one that I know I will be thankful for because I love my Giraffe and I want to start showing her how much she actually means to me. I want to start showing her that I care a lot and being more attentive to my behaviour and always think about her feelings because they mean so much to me :(
Every relationship has its flaws. The only difference is a strong one or a weak one and judging by how we feel towards each other, we definitely know which category ours falls under. Imperfections are a part of every human being and Giraffe and I are not immune to them. And when I penned my letter to her on 01.05.2009, I stated that the most important thing is for people to better themselves. This harsh wake-up call has been a very humbling experience for me and all I want to do right now is to better myself and make amends for what I have done and truly show her how I feel about the person I want to rest of my time with.
This learning experience will make both Giraffe and I much better partners towards each other and it will greatly strengthen our relationship.
And if she’s reading this, I just want her to know that her stargazing partner misses her so badly.
[Penned on an A4 paper. 08.01.2009/12.15 a.m. Villa Verde Playground]
“Karna engkaulah satu-satunya untukku,
dan pastikan kita selalu bersama
Karna dirimulah yang sanggup mengerti aku,
dalam susah ataupun senang”
2 years ago - read more...
